Do you know how it feels, to not feel at all? To see a kaleidoscope of colors everywhere, but to look at yourself and see only grey? It’s like being trapped in a glass case. You can see everything, but no matter how hard you try, you can never be a part of it.
That’s how it had been for me before he came.
Before I met him, my soul had been a barren wasteland, its soil parched and cracked, littered with rocks, and gravels, and glass that glimmered under the solitary Sun. I was like a traveler lost in the sands of an endless desert. The cold had seeped deep into my pours, wrapping its arms around my frigid heart with its iron grip. For me there were no days, only nights.
Then he came in like a summer rain—sudden, and unpredictable. There was something about the way he looked at me. His leafy green eyes held no pity, only mild impressed curiosity. And when he touched me, he did it without any restrain. He didn’t treat me like a porcelain doll—beautiful but fragile; instead, his fingers explored every inch of my scarred skin fearlessly, as my name rolled off his sweet tongue. His sinful lips spoke poetry against my dusty collarbones, and for the first time, I felt my soul come alive.
He was everything I never knew I needed. He was my oasis.
He saved me in every way a person can be saved. He revived the flowers that had died in my chest. And when he looked at me with his star studded eyes, I felt like I could conquer all my demons. He poured every inch of himself—heart, soul and mind into my emptiness. He made it his own. And suddenly, the never ending nights turned into days, and it got a little easier to breathe. I didn’t just want to survive now, I wanted to live.
But I should have known. I shouldn’t have let myself forget that every song ends, and what rises, always falls. And I fell—I crashed; hard, so hard. And suddenly what was, wasn’t anymore.
One moment he was here, and then gone.
And as my calloused fingers reached for him, it found only stale, forgotten air. My chest suddenly felt heavier, and my eyes pooled with tears that burnt a hole in my chest.
I should have known that it was too good to be true. What, if not a mirage, appeared out of nowhere to give the lost souls hope of survival?
I saw my oasis vanish in front of my eyes.
But that day it rained in the desert like it had never before.
All rights reserved ©Shreya Pandey, 2016