A Tribute to Words

Inspiration: ‘Every Last Word’ by Tamara Ireland Stone

In Collaboration With: Snigdha Chopra (Owner of https://thetaleserlebnisse.wordpress.com/ & my best friend)

Words helped me heal.
They were there when
No one else was.
They understood my mind
Like it was their own.
They helped me say the words
I’d never said before.
They made me feel
A little less alone.

I’d write it all down,
When my chest ached &
I couldn’t breathe.
When the tears
Blurred my vision,
And I felt so cold
I couldn’t feel.
They knew the person
I really was down deep.

I used to feel miserable
But they absorbed my pain
And suffering.
But now I can’t write.
The words don’t come,
They keep dying inside.
Now I stare at blank pages
With raging thoughts
But no words to express.

I need pain
To fuel this ache
In my heart that doesn’t hurt
As much as it used to.
Words helped me heal
But they don’t anymore.
Maybe I don’t need healing
Right now. Or maybe
I’m damaged beyond repair.

They say wounds heal.
They say it takes time.
They tell me it’s okay,
That not all poems rhyme.
They know nothing
Of what goes on
In the deepest parts of my head
Or how I spend most of the nights
Lying awake in my bed.

Because in the very quiet of the night
Do I hear myself whimper.
I feel myself reach for the
Faintest slivers of hope.
I wonder if it gets better,
And I wonder if the grass would
Ever be greener on my side.
Maybe I really can’t be
Healed right now.

I read quotes, and poems.
I read of people who battled,
And won. I search for solace
In the only thing I know-
Words. They helped me before
And I reckon they can help me
Again. But the demons hold
On to me, the chains are
Tighter than ever before.

Every time I thrash,
Every time I squirm,
They seem to pull me tighter,
They swallow me whole.
It’s dark in here.
The people who reassured
Now say hope is dead.
They say ‘she’s too far gone,
Inside her head’.

I stay latched on to the
Only thing I know.
In desperation, I write my
Pain through a poem.
‘I’ve tried and failed,
I’ve lived and died,

But nothing ever feels right.
Why is it that I have no peace?
Why is my life a never-ending bad dream?’

And I scribbled for hours straight,
I felt the demons loosen their hold
And the chains fall away.
‘It’s working!’ I exclaimed.
I’d proved them wrong,
I wasn’t too far gone.
And little by little, I felt the light
Creep in. For now I know,
There’s always, always a little hope.
©Shreya Pandey & Snigdha Chopra, 2015

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